


For Good

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon!Dean, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, For Good - Wicked, For Good lyrics, M/M, Post-Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe In Miracles?, Song Lyrics, Songfic, coda fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the song For Good from Wicked. </p><p>Dean meets up with Castiel after he wakes up in his new life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Good

**_I’m limited,_  
** Just look at me _._  
_**I’m limited,** _  
_**And just look at you,** _  
_**You can do all I couldn’t do,** _  
****_**Because now it’s up to you ,**_  
_**For both of us,**_  
_**Now it’s up to you.**_

You stare at him, unmoving, unblinking. You're scared to blink nowadays, knowing that you can't actually control your eyes anymore. You can't count the amount of times you've looked in the mirror, expecting to see your bright green eyes that remind you of your mother, only to see them glazed over with pitch black. 

You hate what you've become, but something tells you that he hates it more. You can see it in the way his jaw clenches as he stares at you; as he no longer sees tan skin covered in freckles. Instead he'll just see a soul that's been torn up and moulded into nothing more than black smoke. 

He hates you. You can see that in the way his eyes study you; the way his fists clench and you can't help but wonder if he's deciding whether to draw his angel blade. You've still got the First Blade; you've still got the blade that will kill him if he comes near you… but you wonder if you will be able to do it. 

You know you're no longer the kind soul that people thought you were… though you know you were never that kind soul in the first place. This… _this_ is what you really are. Black smoke; death and destruction. You said it all along. Black eyes and no soul… that's what you were always going to become. 

He doesn't draw his blade, though. His hands no longer ball into fists and instead fall limp, his head hanging as his eyes finally fall away from yours. 

You want to check to see if your true form seeped through again. You blinked. You shouldn't blink, you should've known, you're eyes are probably as black as tar, and it's enough to make the angel turn away in disgust. 

You utter his name, not sure why. You just feel like you need to feel his name roll off your tongue for the first time since you woke up. 

His head jerks up again, and you're suddenly glad that breathing isn't a necessity anymore, when you see tears in his eyes.

 ******_I’ve heard it said,_**  
**_That people come into our lives,_**  
**_For a reason,_**  
**_Bringing something we must learn,_**  
**_And we are led to those,_**  
**_Who help us most to grow,_**  
**_If we let them,_**  
**_And we help them in return,_**  
**_But I don’t know if I believe that’s true,_**  
**_But I know I’m who I am today,_**  
**_Because I knew you._**

You don't know what leads to what happens next. One minute, he's standing there in front of you, tears in his eyes as he stares at you, torn between looking _heartbroken_ and murderous, and then the next his lips are on yours. 

If it were a fairytale, this would be the moment that your black eyes would disappear. This would be the moment that your soul was no longer black smoke, but pure and good, just like when he pulled you from Hell all those years ago. 

But this isn't a fairytale, and all that happens is you let go of the First Blade and let it clatter to the ground, just so you can wrap your arms around his waist, pulling him tight against your body. Your lips mould against his, and you're both harsh and needy. 

His hands grips and pulls at your hair, and suddenly this change, this new life, has a benefit. Pain doesn't shoot through your scalp when his hand tightens, grasping harder and harder until there should've been tears. But instead, it sends sparks of pleasure, not pain, through your body. 

You pull him tighter against you, forcing him to mould against you in one long line, and it's all you can do to tighten your hold on him. 

 ******_Like a comet pulled from orbit,_**  
**_As it passes a Sun,_**  
**_Like a stream that meets a boulder,_**  
**_Halfway through the wood,_**  
**_Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?_**  
**_But,_**  
**_Because I knew you,_**  
**_I have been changed for good._**

Sometimes, you wish for a life that's _simple_. A life where he didn't rescue you from Hell. After all, what was the point? You still ended up being a creature of the Pit; it was just wasted energy on Castiel's behalf… just lost hope on yours. 

You didn't deserve to be pulled from Hell… to be gripped tight and raised by an angel. You didn't deserve that, and you most certainly don't deserve to be kissed, to be _loved_ by one. 

But you can't seem to make yourself stop. You hold on tighter, forcing him closer and closer, cupping the back of his head as your tongue snakes past the barrier of his lips. 

This is everything that you don't deserve… but everything you've dreamt of since the second you realised just how deep the feelings for your friend ran.

 ******_It well may be,_**  
**_That we may never meet again,_**  
**_In this lifetime,_**  
**_So let me say before we part,_**  
**_So much of me,_**  
**_Is made of what I learn from you,_**  
**_You’ll be with me,_**  
**_Like a handprint on my heart._**

His hand grabs ahold of your shoulder, and it sends a jolt through your body when you realise it's where your handprint once sat; where you were once marked by Heaven. 

You're not marked by Heaven now… instead you're marked by Hell. 

 ****_**And now whatever way our stories end,**_  
_**I know you have rewritten mine,**_  
_**By being my friend.**_

'You're the reason I'm the way I am, Dean Winchester.' He whispers against your lips, and you try not to think about that. You don't want to be the reason he's being hunted because he rebelled from Heaven. Cas was just an angel before he met you… now what is he? The poster boy for free will and rebellion? The only angel with a price on his head… preferably if it's separated from his shoulders.

That very reminder is enough to make you jerk backwards, moving away from him as you shake your head, closing your eyes in fear of them turning black on instinct. 

'You've definitely got a type, ain't you Cas?' You joke, as you reopen your eyes and try to ignore the hurt in his eyes. The way he flinches at your words. 'Demons that are going to die someday.'

His eyes narrow at that. You know he doesn't like being reminded of Meg's death; can remember how angry he got when you finally cracked and told him - can remember how much he cried after the rage left his system. You shouldn't be trying to make him hurt, but it seems like the only way you can get through this. 

If he had to hate you by the end of this visit, you'd feel one-hundred-percent better… that's what you're trying to convince yourself anyways.

 ******_Like a ship blown from its mooring,_**  
**_By a wind of the sea,_**  
**_Like a seed dropped by a sky bird,_**  
**_In a distant wood,_**  
**_Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?_**  
**_But,_**  
**_Because I knew you,_**  
**_Because I knew you,_**  
**_I have been changed for good._**

'Why must you push me away?' He demands, his voice dark and powerful, and it's not the first time you've seen wrath in his eyes… it's not the first time it's been directed at you, but it's the first time you can see just what a magnificent, and fucking terrifying creature he really is.

You take a step backwards away from him, instinct kicking in and telling you that you need to leave the angel's presence. 

But you know who this is. This isn't just an angel who smites first and listens later… this is Cas. Your friend. Your family. You don't need to run from him. Then again, you thought that in the crypt and in the alley. He was supposed to be your friend, your ally then, and it didn't seem to stop him from beating you to a bloody pulp both times.

Despite that, you still find you can trust him. You still find that you _know,_ deep in your heart, that he won't hurt you. Not really. 

 ******_And just to clear the air,_**  
**_I ask forgiveness,_**  
**_For the things I’ve done you’ve blamed me for,_**  
**_But then, I guess,_**  
**_We know there’s blame to share,_**  
**_And none of it seems to matter anymore._**

It hits you then, just how much you both have hurt each other. How much betrayal and loss there's been in your relationship. It hits you then, just how remarkable it is that you're both still here; still willing to risk everything to be with the other. 

It doesn't make sense… it _shouldn't_ be happening. You're a demon now; you're nothing more than black eyes and a puff of smoke. And he's… he's an celestial being. He could destroy you with a touch of his hand. He gave up his right to be the ruler of the angels, because of you. 

You… who ended up like this. 

'It's not your fault, Dean.' He whispers. His bright blue eyes meet yours a moment later, and for a second, you think you can believe him. You think you can believe his words - that none of this was your fault. That it wasn't your fault you ended up being a demon; that it wasn't your fault he ended up being hated by his own kind; that it wasn't his fault that Sam hates his guts. That Sammy thinks he's dead. 

Maybe it isn't his fault. 

Maybe it _is_ someone else's fault. Maybe blame doesn't fall on his shoulders - maybe it doesn't fall on anyone's shoulders. Maybe it's just… is.

 ******_Like a comet pulled from orbit,_**  
**_Like a ship blown from its mooring,_**  
**_As it passes a Sun by a wind off the sea,_**  
**_Like a stream that meets a boulder,_**  
**_Like a seed dropped by a bird,_**  
**_Halfway through the wood._**

You find yourself in his arms once again, lips pressing firmly against his, all and any previous thoughts flying from your mind when you feel his soft, warm lips against yours once more. 

His hands wind around your neck, almost as if to hold you in place in case you try to break away from him again. 

Your lips mould against his so perfectly, and you find yourself torn between thanking _someone_ that you've finally been giving the chance to do this, and _cursing_ someone that the chance wasn't when you were both human.

He pulls away from you, only briefly to look into your eyes, and when he smiles, you know that they're not currently coated black. 

 ******_Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?_**  
**_I do believe I have been changed for the better,_**  
**_And,_**  
**_Because I knew you._**

'I love you.' He whispers against your lips.

**_Because I knew you._ **

You stop him from repeating it once more, by pressing your lips to his again, silencing the words from pouring free.

Your hands tighten their hold on him, fingers tight in the lapels of his trench coat, and you worry, very briefly, that you may actually tear the fabric off, your grip is so harsh.

You pull away from him, watching as his eyes flutter shut as you lean your forehead against his, trying to get your breathing back to normal. That's one instinct that hasn't disappeared, apparently. The increase in your heartbeat, the quickening of your breath, as you stand far to close to your guardian angel.

**_Because I knew you._ **

'I love you too.' You finally whisper in reply, letting the words spill from your lips because you know this is the last moment of weakness your going to have.

**_I have been changed…_ **

You're gone by the time he reopens his eyes.

**_For good._ **

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites
> 
> okay, truth time, i actually haven't watched s9 at all (well, one or two episodes) and i'm still not gonna watch it any time soon (or season 10 for that matter) but i was listening to this song and had to do something and this is what happened. 
> 
> demon!dean still makes me feel sick. sorry, not sorry


End file.
